If you must know...

As I am currently undergoing the process of discovering myself, there isn't much that I am too certain about anymore. I used to be religous, but I've come to a fork in which I don't know if I believe in God because I really truly believe in Him, or because I was raised and taught to believe in Him. I would consider myself spiritual. I do believe that there is an ultimate Balance in the Universe, and I do believe that the Law of Attraction IS how the Universe works. I want a life full of people and experiences, not things and money. I believe in karma, and find the Indian culture to my liking (I LOVE diverse cultures!) I love astrology and astronomy-basically anything dealing with the Universe/cosmos fascinates me. Elephants are my favorite animals, they symbolize power, strength, beauty, and intelligence. I also love birds because-to me-they symbolize freedom, and I want nothing more than my freedom, as-I feel anyways-I am an independent person. Music is something I hold near and dear to my heart. It can brighten my day, inspire me, calm me down, etc. I used to play the flute in band in middle school, and I regret stopping. I'm currently learning how to play my guitar, working on the song Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles. (I taught myself just by listening to the song-as I can't read tabs). I believe that the whole is greater than the sum of its part as well as simpler than the sum of its parts. People are complex, I understand this, so I try not to judge. I am good yet bad, strong yet weak, spontaneous yet predictable. I am all these contradictions and then some. (As of now, Karin Taylor is one of my favorite artists).

(He's just too cute :)

100%

Of all the things in life that I am absolutely, 100% sure about, who I am is not one of them. I'm positive that the sky is blue, cells are the building blocks of life, calculus is ridiculously hard, and that I fall victim to the natural entropy of the Universe time and time again. It sounds a little ridiculous for someone to claim that they "don't know" who they are, but in my case, I don't know who I TRULY am. I'm well aquainted with the shell of a person that I created to greet the world and put my "best face" forward, but as for what's underneath, I have almost no clue. It took me awhile to realize that I was just a shell, but that was because that shell is so convincing when you're always preoccupied; busy with friends, homework, television, and such. No time for your thoughts, always tuned into the murmur in the background telling you to keep with the status quo and not to question what you see around you. And why is it that we occupy ourselves so? Keeping ourselves constantly busy so as we don't have time to deal with our own selves? Is it because we subconsciously know that something is missing? Do we not want to reach that conclusion because its much easier, and happier to believe that we are whole in who we are? I recently found myself asking these questions when I realized that something WAS missing from my life.

I've always hated taking showers in the morning because I always get these deep, intense feelings of loneliness-which is just preposterous, as my family are sleeping in their separate rooms, not more than 200ft away from where I am. I am not alone physically, just mentally. In the shower, there is nothing to distract you from the thoughts in your head, or the feelings in your heart, and if you don't know yourself well, these thoughts and feelings aren't of comfort as you probably have no clue why you are feelings these things, or thinking these things.

As sad and gloomy as this discovery may seem, I find it fascinating and exciting! I've always wanted more from life-when I say more, I do not mean riches and luxeries. I find this as an exciting learning experience. I have more motivation to try new things, to emerse myself into something that could potentially be what I do for the rest of my life.

I've always known I was different from everyone else; I was never on the path for "things" but for "people". I never wanted the materialistic/consumeristic lifestyle. What I want is something more substantial and real. The way I figure it, material things are meaningless (everything is meaningless until you give it meaning, but that's irrelevant to this point). When you're dead and gone, you can't take it with you, so what good is it really?